Seriously, how to not sell your house!

how to not sell your house

If you’re not that keen about selling your house, or you’d really prefer to sell it for a lot less than it’s worth, there are a number of easy steps you can take to make sure this happens. Here’s the BigBlackHen guide to Not Selling Your House… or keeping it on the market for as long as possible.

Don’t tidy it

Let your potential buyers see the house how it’d actually look like if they moved in and didn’t lift a finger. Leave the washing up piled up in the sink to give it that authentic ‘Withnail & I’ look. And why bother to put your dirty socks in the washing machine when the house looks a lot more lived in if they’re scattered all over the floor.

Don’t clean it

Quentin Crisp was famous for not bothering to dust his apartment, reasoning that “after four years you don’t notice the dust”. By not bothering to wave a feather duster across your ornaments, you’re not only saving time, you’re also saving your potential buyers the four-year wait. They’ll be thrilled by your thoughtfulness, especially if they suffer from asthma.

Don’t stage it

People don’t want to look round a place that’s been set up as though the Queen’s about to drop in. They know what a vase of flowers looks like and what coffee smells like, so there’s no point in giving subtle signals to make them feel more at home when they can save you time and money by using their own imaginations.

Leave the clutter

You’ve decided to move which means you’ll have to sort your clutter out at some point anyway, so why do it twice? By leaving everything in place you can make your house feel so much smaller than it actually is – and who doesn’t love the ‘cosy’ look. If they want to know if there are any problems hiding behind your junk, they can just ask.

Don’t take sunny pics

Why wait for a sunny day to take photos of the house when you can get the job done now. OK, so the house will look a lot nicer with a blue sky behind it, but who needs that sun-kissed look? Much better to have a dreary, drab look – at least that means your house will stand out against everyone else’s happy, sunny pictures on Right Move.

Don’t take the dogs for a walk

The chances are your potential buyers will be dog lovers anyway, so if yours are lounging around the place, they’ll be able to see how their own pooch will fit in to the property, and where the bits of the house that collects the most dog hairs will be. And if your potential buyers don’t like dogs, or are allergic to them, or have a phobia, well, maybe you didn’t want to sell your house to them anyway.

Don’t hold an Open Day

Some people go to a lot of trouble to hold an open day, when a lot of potential buyers visit the property and, if more than one party wants it, they can have a bit of a bidding war. Your house is bound to be sold at some point in the future, so why bother trying to up the price in this way?

Show people round yourself

There’s no need to trouble an estate agent when you’re perfectly capable of showing potential buyers round the place yourself. It won’t make the buyers feel uncomfortable in any way, shape or form. They’ll feel perfectly happy opening cupboards to have a look inside when you’re breathing down their neck (though at least you’ll be able to warn them about the deluge of junk about to fall on their heads). An estate agent would just hold back and allow them to wander round, imagining themselves living there and being confident about making comments or asking questions. And if they do that, they might just put an offer in, which is exactly what you don’t want.

If you don’t want to sell your property quickly and for the highest price possible, then BigBlackHen is probably not for you. If you don’t want to sell a house or flat in the  Hertford or Welwyn Garden City areas, please don’t email enquiries@bigblackhen.com to find out more. Thank you!